15 weeks pregnant. Finally over the morning sickness phase. I'm ready to feel this tiny human kick soon and make sure that all is well during the anatomy scan next month. HR is in the 150s and all seems well. I got for my next appointment on August 2nd and my anatomy scan two weeks later.
Although past morning sickness, I am dealing with new issues that I wasn't prepared for. I am finding out how prevalent body issues and infertility still affect me while pregnant. I thought once my body began growing and I felt pregnant then I would feel better about my body, but I still struggle with not looking the way I want. I thought once I was pregnant then body issues and infertility would go away. I was wrong.
Since becoming pregnant I still cannot bring myself to hold a baby. I still cannot look at a baby in real life without feeling something stinging. I wasn't prepared for that, I thought PgAIF would disappear once I became pregnant.
I'm learning to accept my body and understand that no two pregnancies are alike. I spend a lot of time googling the pregnant belly at whatever week I am at to compare myself to them. I get excited when my belly is similar to someone else's, but I typically only see ones smaller than me. I've never once felt comfortable in my body, like many men and women. But especially because my top seemed to be so disproportioned to the rest of my body. I was told to "cover up" because of men. I was told I was "no longer the skinny girl of the group" by someone's mother. I was told "you've tricked out" and "you've gained weight, have your?" Although it's been at least 2 years since comments like that, I still struggle. I still feel judged. I'm struggling with this because now I am even bigger and it's HOT outside. I need to wear less clothes so I don't overheat.
I hate that I was made to feel so insecure about my changing body as a teenager and young adult and made to feel that I needed to change my appearance to appease others. I wasn't expecting to deal with those issues now.
Once again, I am trying to understand that no two pregnancies are alike and to accept and love my new body. I am growing a human.
Although past morning sickness, I am dealing with new issues that I wasn't prepared for. I am finding out how prevalent body issues and infertility still affect me while pregnant. I thought once my body began growing and I felt pregnant then I would feel better about my body, but I still struggle with not looking the way I want. I thought once I was pregnant then body issues and infertility would go away. I was wrong.
Since becoming pregnant I still cannot bring myself to hold a baby. I still cannot look at a baby in real life without feeling something stinging. I wasn't prepared for that, I thought PgAIF would disappear once I became pregnant.
I'm learning to accept my body and understand that no two pregnancies are alike. I spend a lot of time googling the pregnant belly at whatever week I am at to compare myself to them. I get excited when my belly is similar to someone else's, but I typically only see ones smaller than me. I've never once felt comfortable in my body, like many men and women. But especially because my top seemed to be so disproportioned to the rest of my body. I was told to "cover up" because of men. I was told I was "no longer the skinny girl of the group" by someone's mother. I was told "you've tricked out" and "you've gained weight, have your?" Although it's been at least 2 years since comments like that, I still struggle. I still feel judged. I'm struggling with this because now I am even bigger and it's HOT outside. I need to wear less clothes so I don't overheat.
I hate that I was made to feel so insecure about my changing body as a teenager and young adult and made to feel that I needed to change my appearance to appease others. I wasn't expecting to deal with those issues now.
Once again, I am trying to understand that no two pregnancies are alike and to accept and love my new body. I am growing a human.